"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
