in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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