I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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