I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
