Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
