im holly from the hills drunk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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