I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
