I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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