I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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