My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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