Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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