I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
