Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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