last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
