Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
