Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
