thus making me awesome and them whores
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
