That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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