I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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