I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
