We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
