New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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