Is it because I queefed?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
