i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
