i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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