Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
