the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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