You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
