Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
the liver wants what the liver wants
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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