the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
