Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
