On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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