We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
