I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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