What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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