I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
