I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
