I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
