I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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