So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
