I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
