I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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