Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
