I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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