stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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