i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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