Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
