who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
