Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
