I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am mentally ready for anal.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
