Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize