i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
