is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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