Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
