Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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