Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
