Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
