In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
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You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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