i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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