**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
